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What’s in a name? Sometimes, everything

Dammit. I open up one of my old tales and it’s called A Pirate’s Tale. Written before Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean series came out, one of the main characters was named Jack.

So no. Not going to keep that name for obvious reasons. Everyone will think I copied them. Complete, and quite unlucky coincidence.

Of course, I’ll now have to change the name.

As for the Disney movies, the first one was excellent. None of the sequels held up to the first. I know it’s hard to do. It’s like so many bands that have an excellent first album cannot live up to it. Same deal.

The Godfather was one of the best movies ever made. The Godfather II was slightly better. That’s extremely rare.

So, not going to harp on the PotC franchise. They have my condolences.

However, I still need a name

So, before I even begin, I need to come up with a new name for this pirate. Give me a little bit of time to ponder it.

I’ll also consult history.

The Death of Jean Lafitte
The Death of Jean Lafitte

Anyways, I got a lot on my plate. Once I get some of this shit resolved, I’ll work on that name, and get A Pirate’s Tale uploaded here.

For now, tootles.

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Siren’s Lament – What happened at the interview

If you haven’t read the first part of that senile old dragon rambling on about the man who broke Parthenope’s heart, click here. Then his story will make a little bit more sense. Don’t blame me for his ramblings though. I’m just the guy typing.

opium tales green the dragon wasn’t so hard to find if you knew what to look for. Had he been younger and less senile, there’s no way in hell I would have found him. He would have covered his tracks significantly better.

However, he’s old and quite senile. It’s pretty weird that he still has another 400-500 years left to live, unless of course we inadvertently kill him.

I’m guessing that’s what happens though. I’d put money on him inadvertently getting killed rather than him living to die of old age.

He already confessed about two of his family members deaths. St. George killed his wife. His son died in Hiroshima or Nagasaki. He didn’t specify which one.

I’m not a munitions expert, but I’ll rule out that he died when we firebombed Tokyo because if I’m not mistaken, we used more incendiary devices to cause fires rather than a bomb that would blow things up. A war historian can correct me if I’m wrong. I’m more an art and culture historian.

Dragons obviously aren’t going to die in a fire. They don’t burn, no matter how hot it gets.

How I found him

It’s easy if you know what to look for. Have you ever seen a person do something they shouldn’t have been able to do? Like all of a sudden, disappear? Change form? Lift something they shouldn’t be able to lift?

Usually when that happens, you think to yourself that your eyes are playing tricks on you and you don’t tell anyone because you’re afraid your employer would think you were taking drugs. So you go to your grave not knowing that you really saw a dragon or an Olympian. Yes, there are a few of the latter left too.

There was an old Star Trek episode where Olympians were from another planet and some of them came to Earth to act as Gods. If you’re wondering how accurate that is, well, that’s pretty much it. But it gets worse.

You see, us humans are way smarter than others give us credit for. In the past 100 years, we learned how to blow up cities with a single bomb, cure cancer almost half the time, build fake hearts, and walked on the moon. That’s how it all starts.

Stephen Hawking explains the speed of light pretty well if you bothered to read his book. You see, we’re getting closer than we realize to send things at light speeds.

Now the down side. Most intelligent species learn to destroy their native planets. So, they go elsewhere. Olympians and dragons and vampires and all those things aren’t magical. They know science better than we do. So they appear like magic to us. Nope. It’s science.

Some of them ended up here and blended in. Most of them ended up elsewhere on nicer planets and started over again.

That’s it. If you’re wondering how I found him, he was a goofy-looking man with a three hundred year old jacket and a hot blonde on each arm. You can’t get more cliché than that.

Oh, one more thing I want to clear up. I’ve heard him play the violin. He’s lying. Paganini would kick his ass.

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Siren’s Lament Part II

If you haven’t read the first part of that senile old dragon rambling on about the man who broke Parthenope’s heart, click here. Then his story will make a little bit more sense. Don’t blame me for his ramblings though. I’m just the guy typing.

Opium Tales Blue You again. Why do you keep asking me about Parthenope? I already told you that Odysseus never even encountered her and that was her younger sister that threw herself into the sea.

Oh. You wanted me to talk about the man who broke her heart recently. Right. Right.

But first, you know why I don’t like you, right? You remind me of George. Yeah, Roman. That George. You don’t look a thing like him. But something about you, you remind me of him.

You know he killed my wife, right? You didn’t know that? Yeah, that was my wife he killed. And then people made him a Saint?

Opium Tales a dragon storyteller
St. George and the Dragon (artwork circa 1390)

I really don’t like a lot of you, especially what happened in Japan.

What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about. Japan. 1945. My son was visiting there and the whole city blew up. He got blown to bits while a hundred thousand of your kind got incinerated.

No, of course he didn’t get incinerated. You can’t incinerate a dragon. He got blown up.

There’s not that many of us left nowadays. Most of us have left Earth.

Why am I here? Because I’m old. I only got about 400 or 500 years left to live. We’re not like Olympians that live hundreds of thousands of years. We only live for a few thousand.

What? You didn’t know Olympians don’t live forever? Of course they don’t. Half of them were already killed when they had that revolution against the Titans.

No, Gaia isn’t an Olympian.

Don’t you people know anything?

Oh, the Siren. Living forever? No, stupid. That’s just a story. They live even shorter than we do. No, there are no Sirens left. Parthenope got moved to the Caribbean Sea but she died of old age. She was long dead before all those pirate stories that you guys all exaggerate about.

The man who broke her heart? Wow, Roman. You’re gullible. No man could break her heart. I just wanted to make you type more.

No, she died of old age and her body long ago was eaten by the fishes. There is no story to tell you. I don’t like you. Leave me alone.

No, stop typing Roman. I said leave me alone.

My thoughts about all this

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Siren’s Lament intro

opium tales dragon forever is a very long time. You’ve heard that cliché many times. Yet, can you think of a single example of how it could be used in reality?

You see, you people get stories wrong all the time. Especially when they’re really, really old.

Like Parthenope for instance. You know this story. Parthenope, the beautiful Siren, fails to lure Odysseus to his death so she casts herself into the sea and drowns. And when her body’s washed up, they bury it.

Yeah, right! Like that really happened.

For one, Parthenope never failed to entice anyone. That was one of her less powerful sisters.

And for another, Parthenope can’t die. She’s like forever. Really, really old. Never aging. The Gods, well, they just move her around.

So yes, another Siren failed to lure Odysseus and got all bummed out and killed herself. I guess Sirens aren’t used to failing. Must be nice to have that kind of track record. Even the best of the best lose a lot of times.

I’m sure you can think of people more than I can. I’m tired and old, and kind of forget mortal names. The Gods? Yeah. I can name all of them. Their kids? Most of them. Their affairs? Yeah, I remember most of them.

Hell, I myself have banged a few Goddesses in my times. Goddesses love us dragons. We’re not quite on their levels, but I’m sure we’re way more exciting than you mortals. You all are boring and predictable. Plus, you die really soon.

What’s old to you in your 21st century? 70? 80? My Gods. I’ve taken naps longer than some of you losers have lived.

Stupid mortals. You’re all a bunch of fools. All, except a few of you.

Some of you I respect. Like Beethoven for instance. He wrote some good tunes. And Paganini. He could really play the violin. Not as well as I can. But still, I got to respect a man who played the violin so much that a Goddess pretended to be a mortal woman and mated with him.

Yes, there’s a little Paganini going around that’s going to live long enough to see you people colonizing the moon. Of course I’ll still be around. Most of you won’t. But I’ll still be around. (I’ve been to the moon before. You’ll have to bring a lot because there’s not much there).

And Genghis Khan. He was neat. Some of you reading this are his offspring. Of course, you pale by comparison. But you have his blood.

Now, what was I talking about again? Oh, yes. Parthenope. Beautiful, beautiful Siren.

Oh how I wanted to mate with her. Never did have the opportunity. Not like she’d say no or anything. I just haven’t gotten around to it.

And yes, in case you’re wondering, I can take your form. I do it all the time. I kind of like pretending to be you because of all the mortal creatures, you and whales are by far the most fun to pretend to be.

But back to Parthenope. A mortal broke her heart once. Now, as much as I don’t respect most of you, this guy, I respected. He was one of those “once in a century” guys. Like Genghis Khan.

Part II of Siren’s Lament is here