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Evil witches and their evil familiars

evil witches and their evil familiars

I’ve painted a lot of mermaids recently. I think I’m going to take a break from mermaids for awhile. I think it’s time to explore a whole new category of femme fatales. How about witches?

My prior witches were more sloppy than evil. Like the young witch who accidentally unleashed a poisonous snake.

This time around, I want evil. And not just the witches. How about painting some evil familiars to ride along with the witches?

Evil familiar tendencies

A lot of good witches like cats. That goes back, way, way back. Back in the Salem days, we had cats to get rid of the rats. They made great pets. They’re not only your pets, they also took care of a practical problem.

Now, I’m convinced that the whole reason for the Salem Witch Massacre had nothing to do with witchcraft and everything to do with inheritance. Some old ladies often live a real long time. And some would be inheritors are absolutely shitty people. I’m pretty sure you can put two and two together here. Yes, ’twas a conspiracy to get their land and/or money.

But let’s go back further and dive into the world of Medieval Fantasy, my favorite inspiration for art.

Whereas good witches often have cats or owls, evil witches prefer familiars that are a bit more “combat ready.” So evil familiars aren’t just a cunning evil creature that sits on your left shoulder (remember to throw your pinch of salt over your right shoulder when you’re an evil witch). They also have combat purposes. They have a mean bite. And worse.

Imps

Imps were human once. Damned to the fiery pits of Hell, an evil witch will often bring one back and use them as familiars.

Imps are cunning and conniving. They’re also stubborn, ruthless, cowardly, and completely self-serving.

evil familiars - imps

Imps were evil beta males. They got pushed around in life and when they murdered in their past human incarnation, they wouldn’t exactly do it in a confrontational manner. They feared direct conflict. When they had to do it directly, they made damn sure the odds were strongly in their favor.

You know the old stick versus carrot rule. As familiars, think in terms of two sticks for each carrot. You still have to carrot them since their sense of loyalty is already pretty bad. If you don’t, they’ll either take off or try to kill you in your sleep.

Baby dragons

An evil witch can live hundreds of years. Whereas a human usually dies in double digits, not an evil witch. They can get quite old.

However, dragons live in the thousands of years. We’re talking a whole different ballgame.

Baby dragons make wonderful familiars. The problem with baby dragons is that they’re very rare. Humans and dragons have been at war for forever, with humans in recent years coming quite close to causing dragon extinction.

Their natural habitat? Geez. It’s so small now that I’m not even sure where to find them.

You may be thinking how come humans got the upper edge on dragons, considering dragons are so powerful and so smart. Simply put, biology. Dragons take forever to mate. Dragon eggs only hatch under ideal situations.

But humans? Babies only take nine months to create and are combat ready in only fifteen or sixteen years! No way dragons could keep up with that.

If you ever see a witch with a dragon familiar, she’s on a whole different level of power. Cross her and she’ll not just kill you. She’ll take down your entire Kingdom.

Hellhounds

Some witches are so evil that they absolutely detest sunlight. No, they’re not going to exactly burn up and die like a stupid vampire. Rather, they’re at their best after the witching hour.

Those are the kind of witches you’ll find with hellhounds as familiars.

Hellhounds cannot come out in the sunlight. You’ll only encounter them at night. And if you encounter them, you’re in a heap of trouble.

If you see a witch with a hellhound as a familiar, you’re in a super duper heap of trouble. You got a serious problem.

Hellhounds usually signal death when a human encounters one. Generally, the Devil himself sends a hellhound after someone who sold him his soul. That cursed someone knows his time is short. And he’s on the run, for he knows when the hellhound catches him…

For a witch to actually raise one of these foul (and foul smelling) creatures as a pet? Well, she’s got to be more evil than your average evil witch. Plus, she more than likely doesn’t have a working olfactory sense. Did I mention that hellhounds stink?

Nightmares

There isn’t exactly one size fits all when it comes to evil witches. Whereas most evil witches are pretty good at direct physical confrontation, leaving their opponent either in tatters, turned into an amphibian, or burnt to a crisp, some work through other methods.

The kind of evil witch that has a nightmare as a familiar you probably could conquer in a physical confrontation. That’s not the problem.

Just don’t ever go to sleep. That’s where she’ll get you.

Nightmares cause nightmares. But a Nightmare’s nightmare is so powerful, it causes death. Yes, you’re literally scared to death.

So if an evil witch extorts you, it’s more than likely one of these witches. You have two choices. Either pay her off. Or, find her and exterminate her.

If you do the latter, you better find her location before you go to sleep. Once you sleep, she wins. You simply won’t survive an encounter with her nightmare familiar.

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Did the Ancient Greeks see a mermaid? Brizo from Delos

Ancient Greek Goddess Brizo

How do legends start? They’re usually based on some kind of truth. Or what someone with a lot of charisma thought was the truth.

On the Ancient Greek island of Delos, women would leave offerings to a beautiful nude female creature that they called Brizo. They’d leave her offerings in exchange for her protection of their husbands and sons from the dangers of the seas.

Brizo the Goddess

She eventually became a Greek Goddess. To be exact – the Ancient Greek Goddess of Mariners, Sailors, and Fishermen.

Later on, Ancient Greeks used her in oracles and dreams as well.

But her primary role was protection of the men in the seas. Note that women worshiped her, not the men who she directly protected.

Delos

Of course, you can still visit Delos today. Very few people live there as it’s mostly archeological ruins. If you’re an archeologist or a history buff, you’ll probably love a boat ride and a day or two on the island.

We didn’t get a chance to go there when we were in Greece last year. We explored Olympia and some nice Greek beaches. If you ever go there, try the seafood!

Origins

Have you ever seen the original Star Trek series? Well, they had an episode where the crew encounter Apollo. Apollo turned out to be a powerful alien, not a God. But the Ancient Greeks also encountered him and with their knowledge for the time, it made sense that he must have been a God.

What about Brizo? Did the Ancient Greeks see a mermaid? Or, was it something else on a foggy day where two people saw something, then filled in the blanks?

I don’t know. I wasn’t there. That’s often how legends start though. They’re often based on something real.

Brizo the character

I’d love to believe in the existence of mermaids. Like Fox Mulder wants to believe there are aliens. Every time they’ve found a body or a skeleton though, it turned out to be a forgery.

So regardless, I’m going to use Brizo as a recurring character. Here’s the first in what will become many Brizo paintings.

,


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How I paint skin tones in watercolor

painting skin tones in watercolor

Not everyone who does watercolor paints people. However, for those who do, the absolute number one question is – how do you blend skin tones in watercolor?

Now here’s the answer you probably don’t want to hear. There’s more than one way to do it. Actually, there are dozens of excellent ways to do it.

Just like with music, I borrowed a lick or two from this guy and a lick or two from that guy. After borrowing licks, runs, and phrases from enough people, I ended up with my own style.

The same applies to painting. The more you borrow, the more you develop your own style. So read this article and take notes. Take what you want from my style and throw out the rest. You’ll end up merging a bunch of styles together anyways when you’re developing your own unique style.

How I blend skin tones in watercolor

I’m going to show two examples of how I blend skin tones in watercolor. One example paitning I just finished. The other, I finished awhile back. I do like how both of them turned out.

cute blonde mermaid
I actually love drawing hands. A lot of artists don’t

Mermaids and witches. I have no idea why they dominate my artwork. That’s just how it ends up. The above is a mermaid painting I just completed. The below is a pinup witch I did awhile back.

pinup witch
Allie summons a snake

I primarily take two colors – titanium white and burnt sienna. I mix them until I get a nice light orange, matching Allie’s skin. Now if you look closely at someone, you’ll notice that nobody has just one color. You’ll see lots of colors.

The color you want to create is your model’s “average skin tone.” What the hell does that mean? Somewhere in the middle.

You’ll have to both darken and lighten it, depending on the lighting and shadows.

This method works for painting white people. To paint darker people, combine a nice red and a nice green about 50/50 to get a nice brown. You’ll have to lighten it or darken it to find that person’s average color. I personally use perelyne red and hooker green to get my browns. I happen to like those two colors and combined, they get an excellent brown.

Mixing skin tones – the four colors

We have two primary colors for my model’s main colors – titanium white and burnt sienna. What are the other two colors? A red and a yellow. Personally, my red is perelyne red and my yellow is hansa yellow medium.

I use the yellow to mark what will later become highlights. I love the yellow effect. It shows through without showing through. You have to look closely for it to see it.

For the final color, I add a little watered down red to her cheeks. I use the same red for her lips to her cheeks. Except for her lips, it’s straight up red (not watered down). I love red lipstick on a beautiful woman. It pops out and really makes her smile/lips stand out. I love that.

For the witch, I used watered down red for her right nipple (you mostly don’t see her right nipple due Allie having really long hair) and also her fingernails. Allie has long, feminine fingernails. I love those. Now my wife does too after seeing Allie’s nails.

Anyways, so the first layer of highlights is yellow and I paint the main skin tone everywhere else. Then the second layer, the third layer, and the fourth layer, I paint the main skin tone everywhere.

For the fifth layer, I paint my skin tone mixed colors for the non-shadowed areas while painting slightly watered down burnt sienna on the shadowed areas. For the sixth layer, I smear the regular color all over her and drop a little watered down red for her cheeks. Finally, for the seventh layer, I paint straight up titanium white all over her to even out everything and smooth out both the lightened areas and the shadowed areas.

The gold

This may sound weird. I use gold watercolor ground for the gold. Why? Because it gives it a 3D effect. Just in case you don’t know what watercolor ground is, let me explain. Watercolor ground is not exactly paint. It’s material you put over something like glass, metal, or plastic, then you let it dry. Then you can paint over it, so you can literally watercolor over glass, metal, or plastic.

The thing is, when you use the ground for paint, it gives it a little bit of a 3D effect because it sticks out a little bit. I love that!

There’s more than one way to do anything

You may try my techniques and hate them. That’s perfectly fine. Like I said before, sometimes different people’s techniques clash and don’t play well together at all. That’s part of being human. If my stuff doesn’t work for you, I’m not at all going to take it personal. However, if you may take one thing out of this entire blog post and run with it for the rest of your painting career, I’d be flattered.

I’ve also heard some watercolor purists poo poo on the idea of using white watercolor for anything. Whatever. I don’t like rules.

I actually love mixing with titanium white. You get really weird mixes with it.

I initially tried getting skin tones with red and yellow. However, that combo caused me to throw out a lot of paint before getting the right formula.

With titanium white and burnt sienna, it’s very simple. Take the white, add some water, and add a little bit of burnt sienna until you get the right mix, depending on how light or dark your model is.

I like simple. Simple is good. Even better than simple? Easy to replicate.

When I run out of the mix, I don’t have any problem replicating the same colors, despite mixing colors being one of the hardest things to master in watercolor.

Please note that as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This is as absolutely no cost to you, and helps keep my bills paid. I will never recommend a product that I do not use myself. And thank you.

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Watercolor and gouache are friends

mermaid using both watercolor and gouache

Watercolor and gouache are friends. They play nicely together.

Actually, gouache is a type of watercolor. You’ll hear some people refer to gouache as “opaque watercolor.” That’s because, that’s exactly what it is.

You’ll also hear purists who believe you should never use gouache. Or, use one or the other and not combine them.

I think purists are nuts. That comes down to pretty much everything. I don’t believe in rules, only suggestions.

Watercolor vs gouache

Yes, gouache is actually a type of watercolor. But to make it easier for me to explain, I’ll differentiate them and call them two separate things.

Regular watercolors are transparent. What does that mean? It means you can see through them. They do a terrible job at covering up whatever you painted over.

That’s actually a good thing if you want to layer. That’s how I get such lovely skin tones. I layer wet on wet seven times.

On the other hand, gouache is opaque. What does that mean? It means it covers up whatever you painted on. It does a terrible job of layering.

Which is better?

It totally depends on the application. Most of my paintings are 99% watercolor with 1% gouache. This painting however has more gouache than I generally use.

The fish, the white sparkles in Allie’s eyes, and the bubbles are gouache. Everything else is watercolor.

You see how I get them to play nicely together? The gouache also looks like it’s on top of the watercolor.

Whereas I use Daniel Smith and Windsor and Newton watercolors, I use the cheap ass gouache. That’s because I don’t use gouache enough to notice the difference between brands. The cheap ass stuff works fine for what I do.

When somewhere down the road I’ll start using more gouache, I’ll more than likely start buying the more highly recommended brands.

If you’re going to layer a lot, use more watercolor. For an application where you want to just paint it once and you want the color to behave exactly as you painted the first time, use more gouache.

Watercolor and Gouache both use the same surfaces

Both watercolor and gouache default to watercolor paper. A lot of folks swear by Arches paper. Myself included, but to be honest, most of the top papers are quite good. It’s just like Jimi Hendrix would still play a mean guitar as long as the guitar isn’t junk. Of course he’ll have his preferences.

The same goes for paper. I’ve combined watercolor and gouache on a lot of different papers and they play nicely together. I’ve even painted them both on wood.

For wood, gouache is even better than watercolor. One of these days, I’ll buy some high end gouache paints and do a straight up gouache painting on wood.

Until then, I can assure you that watercolor and gouache are friends. Use them each for their respective purposes, which generally comes down to how transparent vs how opaque you want to paint a particular part of your painting.

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When there are no heroes

This is the Finale of Princess for the Night. Part I of Princess for the Night is here

opium tales as was with Tonna, Isabella was brought in chains in front of the cave by the elders.

Cold, damp, and wearing a white dress that isn’t enough to keep her warm, she walks with her head down. Only unlike Tonna, she’s not thinking defeat. Rather, she’s focusing on what she needs to do.

As I’ve said earlier, her mother passed out. Her father lies in the barn unconscious with his front teeth knocked out. Her aunt though, her dear aunt, fed her some soup with some meat this morning to keep her warm and keep her strong.

Only her aunt knows. Her dear aunt.

One of the elders makes the mistake of looking her in the eyes. These elders have done this many, many times, and have become cold. But this one looks her in the eyes. And sheds a tear.

They know Isabella. They know her heart, her boldness, her compassion. They know that they’ll never see that again.

The elder wipes the tear and he and the others walk away as they finish chaining Isabella to the wooden pole in front of the dragon’s cave.

Focus

Isabella got very little sleep as she and her aunt worked over and over again the spell. The key to doing anything right? Repetition. Yeah, I know that sounds boring but it’s true. If you want to be good at anything, do the same thing over and over and over again until it becomes second nature.

You practice it in ideal conditions. Then you hope you can pull it off under stress.

Well, what can be more stressful than a giant monster coming to eat you? Especially when you know in graphic detail how the monster consumes its prey?

Isabella hears movement. She sees the beast slither out of its cave.

Not yet.

She sees the beast looking around. Then, the beast eyes its prey.

Not yet.

She sees the beast moving forward. Still too far away.

Not yet.

She sees the beast slithering forward. Then, the beast raises itself on its hind legs.

As practiced, the potion leaves her dress and goes up and up. With her hands tied, she has to do it entirely with her mind.

It does. The potion goes up and up. And the dragon opens its mouth. And the potion goes in his mouth and breaks.

Almost immediately, the dragon feels different. Instead of chomping down, the dragon eyes his princess. He lowers his head slowly. Down and down, all the way to the ground and looks at her.

Then the weirdest thing happens. A smile? Can a dragon really smile?

He nudges her lightly with his head, then raises his head to bite.

But no, not bite her. He bites the chains. Isabella is free.

When your world is up in flames

She doesn’t run. Rather, she comes forward and kisses the dragon on his leathery nose.

The dragon once again lowers his head and Isabella climbs aboard his neck. She’s never felt anything like this before – a connection to a beast. And, the mightiest of all beasts.

The virgin sacrifices end now, and to be sure, Isabella knows that some people are going to have to die.

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Young love

This is Part II of Princess for the Night. Part I of Princess of the Night is here.

opium tales avery swings the wooden practice sword and Umfrey easily blocks it.

“You’re telegraphing, Avery. I saw where the blow would land before you even got close to me. Try again.”

Yes, a prodigy with a sword, but still young. Nobody becomes a master overnight. Prodigies just speed up the years.

Umfrey is middle-aged. And huge. And has real life battle experience. Avery won’t be a squire under him. However, the Lord had Umfrey initially train Avery because Umfrey’s technique is top notch.

After about twenty more attempts, Avery finally whacks Umfrey on the arm.

“Ouch!” Umfrey smiles. “Well done.”

Repetition. The same exercises over and over again until everything is right.

First, you master the footwork. If you have bad footwork, Umfrey tells his student, you’ll never be a good fighter.

That night

Isabella waits for her parents to sleep. Then sneaks out the window. Avery waits for her by the twin birch trees.

She runs almost full speed into his strong arms and they kiss passionately. She then looks deeply into his eyes. He returns the gaze and concedes a smile. “Yes, you are more beautiful than Tonna.”

“But she’s prettier.”

“But she’s stupid. Stupid people do stupid things. And ten years from now, I can assure you that you’d be significantly more beautiful. Plus look at her ass. Do you think I want to be squeezing that ass ten years from now?”

Isabella laughs. Avery gives her another smile, then initiates another passionate tongue kiss.

Ah, the feeling of young love, when it’s just passion. Before it turns into need then companionship. That’s why it’s so much more fun to write about.

“You need to get some sleep. You got more training tomorrow and Umfrey is mean.”

“He’s not mean. He’s strict. Big difference.”

“He seems really mean.”

“That’s because he doesn’t want me to die in combat. Good war teachers aren’t nice. They’re strict. I need to learn to do things right.”

“Can’t he be nicer?”

“I don’t want him to be nicer. I want to learn how to fight. He’s teaching me war, not etiquette. That’s another guy.”

“But seriously Avery, you need to sleep.” This time, she initiates the passionate kiss. And breaks it off. Turns around and starts rushing away. And turns around one more time to blow him a kiss with the most heartwarming smile you’ve ever seen. Then lifts her dress so it won’t drag on the ground and rushes quickly back climb the tree to get back inside her window.

Avery watches every step she takes with intense pleasure. “Some day that beautiful girl will be my wife,” he says to himself with a confident smile.

—

Part III of Princess for the Night is here

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The Voodoo Sex Shop

Nobody fucked with Jack. Do you remember that old Jim Croce song about Leroy Brown? Yeah. Jack was the real life version of that guy.

Anyways, Jack liked to beat the shit out of other men who thought they were the toughest guy in the bar. He didn’t like it when other men stood tall around him. Best to just keep your head down. And don’t look at him, unless you’re handing him some money or some whiskey. He did like his whiskey.

Jack also liked women. He liked all kinds of women. Big women, little women, tall women, short women. He liked them all, but never kept one around. He’d do his thing, say some lovin’ stuff, then get on his way. He never stayed around that long. Jack would say something like the Law was looking for him and he best get on his way.

A lot of women liked that. He was a bad boy. And he could fuck. Or at least, that’s what the women told the other women. Best pure fucking they’ve ever had.

The Voodoo Sex Shop

So that’s Jack in a nutshell. That’s all you need to know about Jack.

Oh. Call him “Sir.” He likes that. You can look him in the eyes if you call him “Sir.” Then you’d be on his good side.

And buy him a drink if you’re anywhere near a bar. If you’re walking with Jack, and you happen to walk by a bar, say “Sir, let’s step inside and the first round is on me. Top shelf.”

Then find an excuse to leave. It’s best not to stick around when his fists start flying. Don’t worry, he’s not gonna hit you. But the other guy’s friend might punch you while Jack beats up his friend. That’s never a fun thing.

“Where are you going with this?”

Hold your horses! Jack deserved a proper introduction. That’s the least I could have done for the man. After all, I’m the only man he ever bought a drink for.

No, I’m not a tough guy. I’m a storyteller. And Jack liked me for it because I told his story when he’d hit the road and run from the Law. He did that a lot.

But he always snuck back here for personal reasons. This shit, I ain’t gonna tell you since it’s personal.

As I said, Jack liked women. A little bit too much.

Rumor had it Florida had a little whorehouse in a small town called The Voodoo Sex Shop. No, not New Orleans flavor voodoo. The Haitian kind, you know those guys who speak with an Afro-French accent. I wouldn’t have stepped foot in that place. But like I said, Jack liked women. A little bit too much.

So Jack checks out the place. And there’s this little skinny Haitian guy. Probably late 40s or 50s. Very cheesy looking joint and he’s got a top hat and a black suit in this heat.

“Hi Jack.”

“How did you know my name?”

“You got quite a reputation.”

“I’ve never been in this shithole town before. How did you know my name?”

“Well Sir, I know men. And when it comes to men, you’re like a King of men. And I know you like women. Lots of women. And we got women. Here…” The skinny pimp guy pours some whiskey into a glass, nods, and gives it to Jack. “On the house. To your health.”

Jack smiled. Like I said, he liked being called Sir. And he liked his ego stroked. And, he really liked it when someone gave him a good drink. “Oh. This stuff is smooth.”

“I provide only the best. That’s aged Tennessee whiskey. The maker’s a repeat customer. He gives me his best stuff.”

“God damn. This may be the best mother fuckin’ whiskey I’ve ever had in my life.”

“And you’re about to have the best time of your life, Jack. Two hundred fifty dollars, as many girls as you want, and take your time.”

Jack always had money

As well as I knew Jack, he always had money. I’ve never seen him work a day in his life. However, he always had money.

So he slapped down two hundred fifty dollars and the skinny man smiled and pointed with his wooden wand to the back. And bowed.

Yes, the pimp is that cheesy. Laugh all your want. But don’t underestimate people. What’s that saying? Don’t judge a book by its cover? Yeah. There’s a reason for that. Sayings that stay around for hundreds of years. There’s a reason for them.

More on that another day. Let’s get back to Jack.

Well, there may be children reading this. So I’m not going to go into explicit details. But Jack did everything a man can do with four women. And when I say everything, just open up your dirtiest thoughts and yes, he did that too.

Careful about those big smiles

He came out with a big smile. Four hours later, Jack had a big smile. Bigger smile than I’ve ever seen him have, even that time when five guys tried to jump him. Heh. That put a smile on his face. But I’m talking an even bigger smile.

So Jack was feeling really good about himself. And after he came out, the skinny Haitian pimp greeted him with a smile.

Jack decided to do something bad. “Are you the only man here?”

“Only living man, yes, I am.”

Jack looked around. And pulled out a knife. “You know the drill.”

“Not a good idea, Jack.”

“What are you going to do about it, Slim?”

“Me? Nothing. I’m not a fighter.”

Jack smiled again as he saw the pimp whip out hundreds of hundreds. And instead of handing it over to Jack, he started counting the hundreds.

“But they are.”

Jack dropped the knife in horror. The pimp definitely was telling the truth. He was the only living guy there.

This part, I’m not going to go into details because you might have just eaten. We’ll just say that it wasn’t that hard to dispose of Jack.

Afterwards, the pimp had a disappointed look on his face as he put the Closed sign up on the door and mopped up the blood.

Rumor had it that the pimp kept Jack’s heart because the heart of a strong man has a lot of power. I’m not exactly the resident expert in voodoo so I don’t know what that means. I just heard the rumors.

That was Jack. I never did know his last name.

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What’s in a name? Sometimes, everything

Dammit. I open up one of my old tales and it’s called A Pirate’s Tale. Written before Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean series came out, one of the main characters was named Jack.

So no. Not going to keep that name for obvious reasons. Everyone will think I copied them. Complete, and quite unlucky coincidence.

Of course, I’ll now have to change the name.

As for the Disney movies, the first one was excellent. None of the sequels held up to the first. I know it’s hard to do. It’s like so many bands that have an excellent first album cannot live up to it. Same deal.

The Godfather was one of the best movies ever made. The Godfather II was slightly better. That’s extremely rare.

So, not going to harp on the PotC franchise. They have my condolences.

However, I still need a name

So, before I even begin, I need to come up with a new name for this pirate. Give me a little bit of time to ponder it.

I’ll also consult history.

The Death of Jean Lafitte
The Death of Jean Lafitte

Anyways, I got a lot on my plate. Once I get some of this shit resolved, I’ll work on that name, and get A Pirate’s Tale uploaded here.

For now, tootles.

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Siren’s Lament – What happened at the interview

If you haven’t read the first part of that senile old dragon rambling on about the man who broke Parthenope’s heart, click here. Then his story will make a little bit more sense. Don’t blame me for his ramblings though. I’m just the guy typing.

opium tales green the dragon wasn’t so hard to find if you knew what to look for. Had he been younger and less senile, there’s no way in hell I would have found him. He would have covered his tracks significantly better.

However, he’s old and quite senile. It’s pretty weird that he still has another 400-500 years left to live, unless of course we inadvertently kill him.

I’m guessing that’s what happens though. I’d put money on him inadvertently getting killed rather than him living to die of old age.

He already confessed about two of his family members deaths. St. George killed his wife. His son died in Hiroshima or Nagasaki. He didn’t specify which one.

I’m not a munitions expert, but I’ll rule out that he died when we firebombed Tokyo because if I’m not mistaken, we used more incendiary devices to cause fires rather than a bomb that would blow things up. A war historian can correct me if I’m wrong. I’m more an art and culture historian.

Dragons obviously aren’t going to die in a fire. They don’t burn, no matter how hot it gets.

How I found him

It’s easy if you know what to look for. Have you ever seen a person do something they shouldn’t have been able to do? Like all of a sudden, disappear? Change form? Lift something they shouldn’t be able to lift?

Usually when that happens, you think to yourself that your eyes are playing tricks on you and you don’t tell anyone because you’re afraid your employer would think you were taking drugs. So you go to your grave not knowing that you really saw a dragon or an Olympian. Yes, there are a few of the latter left too.

There was an old Star Trek episode where Olympians were from another planet and some of them came to Earth to act as Gods. If you’re wondering how accurate that is, well, that’s pretty much it. But it gets worse.

You see, us humans are way smarter than others give us credit for. In the past 100 years, we learned how to blow up cities with a single bomb, cure cancer almost half the time, build fake hearts, and walked on the moon. That’s how it all starts.

Stephen Hawking explains the speed of light pretty well if you bothered to read his book. You see, we’re getting closer than we realize to send things at light speeds.

Now the down side. Most intelligent species learn to destroy their native planets. So, they go elsewhere. Olympians and dragons and vampires and all those things aren’t magical. They know science better than we do. So they appear like magic to us. Nope. It’s science.

Some of them ended up here and blended in. Most of them ended up elsewhere on nicer planets and started over again.

That’s it. If you’re wondering how I found him, he was a goofy-looking man with a three hundred year old jacket and a hot blonde on each arm. You can’t get more cliché than that.

Oh, one more thing I want to clear up. I’ve heard him play the violin. He’s lying. Paganini would kick his ass.

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Alicia’s Dance

This is Part V. Part I of Humpty Dumpty is here. A slightly different version of this story was going to be the original pilot of the TV show I was working on in 2006. You can read about that story here.

Opium Tales Humpty Dumpty Alicia enters Humpty Dumpty’s room, wearing a lovely, exotic mostly black outfit. She enters barefoot with a mischievous smile, dancing while Humpty Dumpty lies on his bed.

She throws off a shawl. As his eyes briefly look at the shawl, she drinks the vial like a shot of liquor. She swallows it down quickly and goes back into the dance.

She moves closer to him and peels off her top, revealing her bouncing breasts and continues dancing, staring him in the eyes as she faces him and smiles.

Humpty Dumpty stares lustingly at her full, perfectly shaped breasts, then up directly into her eyes. His heart starts to race, as she is the one he desires the most. She is tall, dark, and thin, yet with perfect curves. A painter’s absolute dream. She’d make a perfect muse.

Alicia smiles once more as she drops her skirt, now completely naked except for a golden bracelet on her left ankle. She hops right onto his bed and collapses dead on him with a smile on her face.

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Part VI of Humpty Dumpty continues here