This is Part VII. Part I of Humpty Dumpty is here. A slightly different version of this story was going to be the original pilot of the TV show I was working on in 2006. You can read about that story here.
he stranger looks around the hut. From the outside, it didn’t look like much. But from the inside, a little bit more impressive. Still, the stranger expected something a little bit more from a wizard.
“Can you ride?,” the wizard asks the stranger.
“Of course. Very well in fact.”
The wizard counts the money. “It’s not that much. Is that all they managed to gather?”
“They do not have much. Nor do I.”
“Didn’t you make any money while you were out crusading?”
“I am an honest man.”
“Oh, one of those,” the wizard shoots back.
The stranger gives the wizard a strange look.
“We don’t have enough to joust,” the wizard explains. “I cannot get you both armor and a horse. You do have enough for cheap armor. I know a blacksmith. I’ll work my magic to make it look a bit better, but whatever you do, do not take any blows.”
“Because this cheap armor won’t protect you from a strong blow.”
“But do not fear, my new friend. You have experience. None of these young lads have seen real battle. We land you a good sword and you should make fools of all of them. Now come.”
The wizard leads the stranger into another room. It’s dark, dirty, and full of cobwebs, which reiterates the stranger’s doubts.
He leads the stranger to a cauldron and waves his hand over the water one time. Humpty Dumpty appears sitting in the tower of his castle with his legs over the wall.
“Strange,” the wizard finally says. “He does this a lot nowadays. I don’t know why. He didn’t do this a month ago.”
“He appears to be in deep thought.”
“Oh really. I would have never thought that.”
The stranger gives the wizard another weird look. He’s not used to sarcasm.
“But fear not,” the wizard says. “I know the guy who runs the events. They didn’t breed this guy for intelligence.”
The wizard continues. “I’ll give him a suggestion, a simple charm. I need to give you a name. How about Don Juan? Yes, you look like a Don Juan. I like that. I made it up myself. I’ll tell him you’re a visiting Noble. We clean you up. Shave you. You already got an accent. That’s good. Nobody ever doubts people with accents. They get the babes too. Lucky son of a b-”
“All right! I got an accent and I look like a Noble. Can we please get started on this?”