Not living up to my potential

This whole Covid-19 crisis showed a lot of folks’ true colors. I talked about getting rid of lousy friends many times. But let me get into something completely different…


I’m human. I’m scared of a few things.

One day, a girl from work and I went on a hike and we encountered a rattlesnake, all rolled up. I said “look Lucy (not her real name)! A rattlesnake!”

She warned “don’t get too close Roman.”

Instead, I showed her that I could walk right up to it until you see it get uncomfortable. Then you stop. And walk away.

The rattlesnake knows you can kill it. It’s not stupid. So he’ll attack to defend himself.

I’m not scared of rattlesnakes because I know how they think.

On the other hand, I’m scared of water moccasins because I also know how they think. They’re stupid. They don’t give a fuck. They’ll attack you.

I got attacked by a water moccasin once and had to run away from it. Luckily, I run about 20 miles per hour. Snakes don’t run anywhere near that fast.

Getting back to the Covid-19 crisis, I already explained how those in power don’t give a damn about you. If they really cared, they’d be telling you to lose weight and get sunlight. Rather, they tell you to wear a mask, stay indoors, and don’t hug your loved ones.

That’s not about your health, my friends. That’s about submission. If you still haven’t figured that out, well, I don’t know what else to tell you.

I ain’t scared of Covid-19. I just saw another study that says that the men who die tend to have low testosterone levels.

So we have overweight, gets no sunlight, and low T levels.

Heh. Definitely not worried about Covid-19.

My biggest fear

My biggest fear is simple. It’s not living up to my potential.

I’ve discussed my lifelong goals. I’ve also discussed how losers can only think short term. Winners can think in terms of decades.

Before I die, I’ll compose something on Anton Bruckner’s level. I have no delusions of grandeur. I’m not a supergenius. I’m just a guy with an insane work ethic. I’ll never be able to compose on Beethoven’s level. That’s why I choose Bruckner because it’s a realistic goal.

I’ll also sell at least one million dollar painting in my lifetime. No, not after I’m dead. In my lifetime. Very important distinction.

That means I need to have excellent health. That also means focus, determination, persistence, and busting ass.

Now if your biggest fear in June 2021 is still dying of Covid-19, you have a pretty fucking boring brain and we won’t be friends.


  1. As of the time of this writing, a double murder happened real close to my house: a gas station where I buy my father cigarettes that’s about a 3-4 minute walk.(Life in PR is insane.) After reading this post, I now know my one biggest fear: not leaving a legacy. If I can leave a mark in the world which influences people in goodwill, I will die with no regrets. Doesn’t have to be a huge mark, but one can still aspire.

    1. Yeah, legacy is what it’s all about. A man’s legacy can range from having wonderful children to creating jobs to artwork/writing/music/etc.

      And yes, I’ve heard the PR homicide rate is 5x the homicide rate of the USA.

  2. Man I hope some day we can meet IRL because you seem one of the few people who think like me. I too fear not being able to give it all, so to speak, and cannot understand fearing some dumb virus, given that the more likely alternative is living like a zombie for the rest of your years.

    1. That’s exactly it. I don’t want to live like a zombie – in a cage with no people around.

      Luckily for me, all 3 of my models aren’t afraid of it. We still drink, talk, hug, etc. One of them had it and it wasn’t that big of a deal but that’s because she’s super fit.

      Let’s make it happen! I met Adrian Olivas, Jason the Carnivore, and Rob Says last month. My wife and I have been talking about going back to Italy too.

      1. Yep. Caged animals are a tragic sight, and I don’t want to be like them.

        Well if you happen to be in Sicily we may arrange something. Right now I can’t really travel around all the peninsula.

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