Wasted Sunsets

One too many wasted sunsets

One too many for the road

And after dark, the door is always open

Hoping someone else will show

– From “Wasted Sunsets,” Deep Purple’s 1984 reunion album Perfect Strangers

When I was young, I always thought I’d be a drifter. I had relationships with women and I’d always manage to fuck them up. Then they’d end up hating me.

Even before the one who got away, there were others who got away. I managed to fuck those up. It’s just that when you get a new one, you forget about the previous one.

Yes, women do that too so I don’t need your lecture ladies.

Anyways, I had my music. I thought that was going to be my life. The starving musician with a lover here and a lover there but never staying long enough with a single woman so she could find out what an asshole I really was then hate my guts. Like the one who got away did. And the girls before her.

That’s why I always identified with a bluesy song like above. They get it. They lived it. And they got a song as proof.

People change

Well, I should preface it that if you’re willing to change, you can change.

I didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I’ve seen that movie Groundhog Day and I don’t want to be that guy.

So I started studying functional people. I saw what functional couples did and I tried to copy it with my next girlfriends.

One by one, I got more functional. I actually got to the point where when we broke up, it was her fault. A first for everything apparently.

What am I getting at?

Just like the heading says – people change. That’s if you’re willing to do the work.

I think it was the early 90s when I first discovered self-improvement. I had a psychology teacher who in the 70s fucked dozens of his students. Yes, not joking. I remember grabbing a beer with one of his feminist co-workers.

Yes, back in the old days, you used to drink with your professors all the time. It wasn’t a big deal.

She was envious. Very much so.

She called him a sexist pig and tried to get me to hate him. Yeah, um, no.

Note that she was buddies with another professor who happened to be a woman who also fucked some of her students, yet she didn’t have a problem with her. Can anyone say “double standard?”

It should have clued me in there and then that there was something wrong with feminists but I didn’t figure that out until I moved in with one. (I’m a slow learner sometimes).

Anyways, he had a different belief in psychology than the other professors. (In case you don’t know this, Psychology was my original college major). Rather than focusing on being fucked up, he focused on getting better.

I loved him for that. I read Dr. Dyer’s Your Erroneous Zones (he personally recommended that to me) and took it seriously. I learned how to get rid of useless emotions and replace them with functional desires.

Still, I had a long way to go.

Well, the song ended. But it brought back a memory.

People can change, my friends. No matter how fucked up you were, you can be functional. You just gotta do the work.

To be continued…

Categorized as Musings

By Roman

Pinup Artist. Composer. Writer.


  1. I wrote a hefty comment before this one, but ‘ts a bit long winded even if it fits with the theme of this post.

      1. Here you go:

        I wanted to be an ethical hacker ever since I was 15 years old. Programming computers and cracking them all felt natural to me. Once I arrived in University however, reality started to hit. I went to as many professors, talked to peers, and none of them are in the cybersecurity field nor interested in it, respectively. They were mostly interested in being cogs for the Silicon Valley just to get out of the Island.

        I found a mentor outside, and laid out how government is where cybersecurity is the real deal. However, the work conditions were stressful to the point of damaging one’s body and sanity, and the pay does not compensate. One of his coworkers got a fucking seizure while finishing a super high stake task. It was a crushing blow to me. Why in the flying fuck would I trade my sanity and health for something much less, even more so at how government is behaving to this day?

        I am already neck deep in university, so might as well finish it.(Already paid for with scholarship) I will take a simple job, and put my energy in other creative endeavours. I am one man with one heart, and there are better ways to live life.

        1. I agree on all counts here.

          You should be compensated for your work and if cybersecurity drives people nuts without paying the big bucks, it’s pointless. Despite it of course being a very important job. Goes to show government has its head up its ass.

          Sounds like you got a good layout for your future life. STEM is excellent, and provides good jobs for folks who complete the degrees.

          And yes, definitely do something creative on the side. Creativity is fulfilling and most jobs become routine (boring) after awhile.

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