What you need to know about shit tests

I’ve been hearing a lot about shit testing recently. I’ve heard women say that they never do shit tests. And I’ve heard men say that women do it way too much in America.

If you’re wondering what shit testing is, this article will open your eyes to something in life you’ve had to endure many times. I’m guessing you’re a guy, but if you’re a girl, this will benefit you too. Keep reading.

What is shit testing?

Shit testing is something generally done by women to men. It involves a test of character. It can range from playful to downright nasty.

An example of a playful shit test would be something like “is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”

Careful with your answer. The wrong answer will count as three strikes against you. Answer correctly and you’ll love the results.

A nasty shit test would be something along the lines of “oh, I don’t date your kind” whereas your kind is pretty much fill in the blank.

And once again, it’s designed to provoke a response. She’s measuring how you react to it.

Why do women shit test?

Why do women shit test? The answer’s more simple than you realize.

Evolution. If you don’t pass their shit tests, you’re definitely not mating material.

Of course, I’m assuming you don’t live in some shithole where women have no choice in choosing their mates. In countries where women are free, it’s often in their best interest to test suitable mates.

Some women can read a man within a minute and be right most of the time. For women who can’t, they may have to employ a shit test or two to get a proper read.

“How do I pass shit tests?”

First, stay cool, because cool guys get the babes. What would James Bond do? You already know what he’d do – he’d stay cool and win the fucking game.

You’ve seen James Bond get shit tested a bunch of times. Of course more the Sean Connery or Roger Moore James Bonds because the later James Bonds became more and more politically correct and they took a lot of playful sexuality out of the movies.

Which is a shame. If you ever want to see someone on the screen pass a shit test with flying colors, watch the old James Bond films.

No matter what the shit test is, the concept is to be cool. Cool guys win because they’re cool.

Evolutionary, it totally makes sense. Women want a man who can handle really bad situations. Like if a cave bear wants his cave back. If you’re the type of guy who freaks out and hides behind a rock, should she mate with you?

Hell no!

Your genetics don’t deserve to carry on to the next generation.

Those are the people who get the tribe killed. Humans are tribal animals after all. Yes, even to this day. Women keep the tribe strong by mating with the right men and not mating with the wrong men. When women mate with weak/stupid men, the strength of the tribe declines.

However, in your case, you’re cool. No matter what she throws at you, retain your confidence. If you’re a funny guy, turn it humorous. If you’re a playful guy, make it playful.

If you get angry, you lose. Getting angry is almost as bad as being defeated by the shit test. Move on to the next girl as you struck out with this one.

How does this benefit women?

This benefits women because I keep hearing from women that y’all can’t find quality single men. This whole blog is designed to make the human race better.

I do art for beauty’s sake. And I write a lot of self-improvement. Because I believe we’re all works in progress, regardless if you’re a man or a woman. You either get better, or you stagnate (which in the long run will make you worse).

I’ve discussed the big four parts of being an adult many times – health, relationships, finances, and passions.

Maybe you’re a woman who doesn’t know that you’re shit testing too much and chasing away quality men. Maybe you’re a woman who needs to employ better shit tests. Or maybe you’re a woman who just likes to read something from a man’s eyes.

Is there such thing as too much shit testing?

Yes. There are women who will find a quality man and lose him from constant shit testing. They don’t know when to stop.

As a pop psychologist, I’ll even tell you her future.

She meets a quality man. Shit tests him. He passes.

They start dating. She continues to shit test him. He passes, but he’s starting to get annoyed.

They get serious. She continues to shit test him. He realizes that there are better women out there. He dumps her dumb ass and replaces her with someone who’s considerably easier to get along with (and a lot more fun).

She gets older. She loses her attractiveness because, well, she’s a bitch and she won’t age well.

She goes in one of two directions – 1. she has to lower her standards and ends up being bitter because she has to settle for low quality men. 2. Wine and cats.

You know why these stereotypes and memes exist? Because we all know they’re true. That’s why they’re funny. You can probably even think of examples in your life.

Off the top of my head, heh. Several examples. One, I’ve even written about. She used to be hot. And just like my pop psychologist textbook says, she got replaced, lost her value, then picked door number one.

Is that better or worse than wine and cats? It depends. But that’s a whole new blog post!

Other situations where you get shit tested

Life shit tests you. Job interviews will involve some shit testing. So will joining a new clique. So will applying for a home or business loan. You’re definitely not worthy if you can’t handle the shit testing.

As a former starving musician, I’ve encountered more shit testing than non-artistic folks will ever know. And that includes hard-core players.

Nothing phases me. Heckling, haters, jealous former friends turned enemies, band members leaving for rival bands and performing the parts they wrote of our songs, exes sleeping with a rival band member, you name it. I’ve seen it all.

The key – keep cool. If you let the shit testing get to you, you’ve failed.

Or, you can simply not care. And that’s a very underrated way to win a shit test. More on that another day.


Speaking of bands, I write some good tunes. Check them out here –

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Chaitanya Vembar

    I wasn’t aware of this, but interesting read! I totally get the shit test in job interviews. Although, I think in relationships, there are better ways to test your mate

    1. admin

      Oh I completely agree with you! It’s better to learn to read others well than playing games.

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